Many females (and some males) have recently been starting to speak up and out about their traumatic experiences of sexual abuse through using the hashtag “me too” on social media sites.
I support those who have survived sexual abuse and choose to express their stories and share these traumatized parts of themselves with others. We all have hurt that we carry around in some way, shape or form. I believe it’s healthy to liberate the dark and heavy burdens by bringing them into the light. This is an opportunity for enlightenment, liberation, and healing.
It’s encouraging to witness the circulation of these energies. And by circulation, I mean both conversationally and physically; to circulate the energetic stagnation of repressed emotions in order to be cleansed. I realize how hard it is for many of these people to do. The process is painful and I appreciate all of that. If this speaks to you, may you effectively evolve through your circumstances into a more peaceful place, from victim, to survivor, to thriver.
VICTIM + SURVIVOR = THRIVING CREATIVE STORYTELLER
Many victims of sexual abuse are only young children when they’re assaulted. They are relatively helpless and there isn’t much they can do to prevent these type of violent acts. I understand that these situations are unfortunately common. I think it needs to be reminded to adult caregivers of children to be more aware of other people who share space with with them and be more committed to protecting their loved ones.
Many victims of sexual abuse are of an age where they could been more aware and better prepared. Self defense is ultimately ones own responsibility. We all must learn the skills required in order to take extreme ownership of our personal safety. There are abundant resources available to most of us in modern society that can supply us with the nesassary tools for this.
Reading books like The Gift Of Fear or The Sociopath Next Door are just two great examples. Training in a martial art is another excellent example. I strongly recommend Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It’s a profound discipline that deeply empowers everyone of any age to learn self defense and confidence. It constructively conditions and strengthens ones body, mind, and soul.
There’s an article written by Alice Vitiello called How the #MeToo Movement Must Inspire Women to Action. It She reflects some of her provocative perspectives on the #metoo movement.
There’s another article written by Michelle Malkin called Beware the Rape Allegation Bandwagon. She shares some of her controversial considerations about the #metoo movement.
Like I said, it’s a controversial statement; to assert that we use a bit of precautionary skepticism in the blind assumption that every single #metoo post is authentically true. I’ve certainly heard a lot of people talk about things in my adult life in a way that doesn’t accurately reflect an event that actually occurred. Many people have distorted perceptions and stories they create about any given experience that happened at some point in the past.
It’s a reminder about Radical Honesty. From any given experience, people can quickly skip to stories and meaning, rather than pertaining to the root of reality. Sometimes people exaggerate. Sometimes people lie. I bear witness to both lies, and truth. I honor the existence and presence of both. I’m listening to everyone and I hear you all.
If any of my opinions and perspectives evoke a triggered reaction in you; good. It means there’s some inner work to do about that. Where there’s hysteria, there’s history. My intention is to engage in a positively constructive conversation about the subject of abuse and explore strategies for actions that will ensure more safety and freedom. We might disagree about some things, but if you agree with this, then we’re on the same team. Our mission is to support each other and accomplish the task of abolishing abuse.
It makes me sick to think that there are so many toxic people (the statistical majority being males) lurking around society that perpetrate these violent acts. Any one of the guys I see in public places could be one of these creepy losers. I really don’t understand how they can live with themselves. They need help. Am I shaming them? Yeah, I suppose I am a little bit. I feel frustrated and upset from their destructive actions. But am I blaming them only? No, not exactly.
Hurt people, who cannot feel their pain, tend to hurt other people. Males have feelings, ranging from shame and humiliation, to anger and outrage, to tenderness and compassion. Every male, consciously or subconsciously, wants to express painful feelings and be free of them. If one does not know how to feel healthy and communicate directly, he will do it in an indirectly abstract way.
I would like to see the end of abuse, in all its senselessness and hostility. We can all do things to powerfully enable ourselves and learn the skills that keep us more on the side of safety by stacking the odds in our favor. If you’ve been sexually harassed or abused, I empathize with you. If it happened to me, I too would experience the emotions and full spectrum of feelings from fear to loathing.
Passivity in the face of abuse is something I do not abide with. I have a zero tolerance policy for it. I will stand against it with aggression. (Aggression: assertive pursuit of one's aims and interests; from Latin, aggredi ‘to attack,’ from ad- ‘toward’+ gradi ‘proceed, walk.)
I encourage you to hurt for something. Share your story. Use it, instead of letting it use you. Resolve to reclaim your personal power and serve the life community through positively constructive actions that raise the bar for humanity. We all need each other to contribute and find our authentic belonging.
If you want to share your story, but you have insecure hesitations, I encourage you to know your "why". Having a compelling reason why we want to say or do something will usually fuel us with the passionate motivation in order to open up and take action. If you're not going to share your story with the world, which is alright, but would like to share it with at least one or two people you trust, here's a quote that might serve to guide you to making the right choice for you...
I wrote a couple of blogs that are related to this subject that could be worth reading. One is about the word Indignation that unpacks the meaning we might find in employing that word to our advantage. It has the potential to help protect our dignity and safety. The other is about the book The Gift Of Fear that you might find useful on your path to protect and serve.
The main reason I decided to write this blog is because of a couple of chapters in a book I recently read. There are some excerpts in this book called High Performance Habits that I think are relevant and meaningful concerning this subject. The passages cover topics on courage, honoring struggle, human stories, sharing truths and ambitions, and minimizing ourselves. Give them a read and see if any of the concepts land for you. I trust that they will make a difference in the quality of your life.
Courage, it turns out, is contagious, just like panic or cowardice. If our family and friends see us fearful of life, they’ll feel it—and they’ll model it. And it’s the same for our teams and whomever else we lead or serve. Demonstrating more courage is a gateway for our society to develop greater virtue.
We might think of courage as; taking determined action to serve an authentic, noble, or life-enhancing goal, in the face of risk, fear, adversity, or opposition.
Psychological courage is the act of facing or overcoming our own anxieties, insecurities, and mental fears to (a) assert our authentic selves instead of conforming—showing the world who we really are even if someone might not like it—or (b) experience personal growth even if it’s only a private victory.
HONOR THE STRUGGLE
We’re less courageous as a society today because we avoid struggle, and that decision leaves us with underdeveloped character and strength—two key ingredients for courage.
If we’re ever going to develop the strength that courage requires, we’ll have to get better at dealing with life’s basic challenges. We’ll have to stop getting so annoyed and start seeing the struggle as part of growing our character. We must learn to honor the struggle.
By meeting the conflicts and difficulties and outright messes of life straight on, willingly, we dismantle the walls of fear, brick by brick. When we learn to see struggle as a necessary, important, and positive part of our journey, then we can find true peace and personal power.
The alternative, of course, is crippling. Those who hate the struggle, or fear it, end up complaining, losing motivation, and quitting.
THE TWO HUMAN STORIES
There are only two narratives in the human story: struggle and progress. And we can’t have the latter without the former. We know that, but we often forget it when things get tough. It’s easy to hate the struggle because over time hate only magnifies its object into a phantom far greater and more ominous than the actual thing.
We can go beyond gratitude to true reverence for life’s challenges. In any area of our lives, if we have the opportunity and blessing to serve, we don’t complain about the effort involved.
There’s something miraculous that happens in our life when we let all the drama go and decide to ask how we can be the embodiment of a positively influential role model again.
SHARE YOUR TRUTH AND AMBITIONS
When we live our truth—expressing who we really are, how we really feel, what we really desire and dream of—then we are authentic; we are free. This requires discipline and courage.
Showing the world who we are, authentically and unapologetically, brings a great deal of risk. People often talk about how they want to be real, but doing so invites so much judgment or rejection.
The only time we should try to measure up to someone else’s idea of who we are or what we’re capable of is when that person is a role model cheering us on. But for anyone who doubts or diminishes us, forget about it. Don’t bother trying to please them.
The next time we might be concerned for someone else’s feelings about the actions on the path to high performance, don’t hold back on the big dreams, and remember these words of encouragement…
Do not dare play small. Do not feel guilt because you have high aims. Do not hold back in life just to comfort or placate those around you. Holding back is not humility; it’s lying. Share more, and you’ll have real relationships that can support you, energize you, lift you. In your full expression lies your freedom. Our next level of performance begins at our next level of truth.
If you’re gulping back your real thoughts and dreams just to fit in or make others feel better, then you can’t blame them or anyone else. Because it’s you choking yourself. And while you’re at it, you’re squeezing the life out of your relationships. This kind of thinking is not humility. It’s fear. It’s lying. It’s suppressing. It’s adolescent concern. And it will destroy any real aliveness and authenticity in your relationships.
Holding back will weigh on ones mind and their life with stresses they may not see for a long time. It will cheat the people around them from ever discovering their true beauty and abilities. Worse, it will prevent the right people from coming into our life.
Which is nobler: falling dutifully in line with what everyone wants, or speaking up for what’s right for you? Ultimately, you must ask which your life is about: fear or freedom? One choice is the cage. The other, courage.
BELIEVE - BEHAVE - BECOME