This is a short essay about upgrading our social operating strategy. Otherwise known as leveling up our squad. Or #growthfriends if you prefer.
I believe it’s wise to consistently audit one’s inner circle and conduct a systematic inspection of each individual who occupies a special place in our life. If we value our own lives, then those close places are prime real estate. They should have to earn the right to claim those positions.
The decision to consciously direct the course of our lives demands that we get radically honest about our family members, friends, personal peers, and professional acquaintances. After all, we are the sum total of the five people we share most time and space with. So, it’s like; show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.
The first step is that we must turn this awareness upon ourselves. Are we being the person we truly want to be, and attracting other like-minded individuals? Do we even really desire to develop ourselves and evolve into the great people we believe we can be?
After we get our own acts together - so that our actions are in alignment with our ambitions - we then begin selecting certain people to remain in our lives, and letting go of others. Get rid of the weak links and complainers. They are losers, and they will drag us down.
Identify and engage the ones who have the tendencies to be optimistic, positive, strong, supportive, uplifting, humorous, healthy, and generous. These character traits will inevitably influence us in a similar direction. And therefore, we will be able to influence others in the same way. These kinds of relationships help us to live good lives and effectively lead others in a mutually beneficial direction.
Let us learn to say no to those things and people that our intuition knows to be negative to our well being and vibrancy. Let us cultivate the willpower to say yes to those things and people that our intuition knows will challenge us to creatively evolve into positively constructive members of society, and the whole life community.
In doing so, we will be doing everyone a huge favor. If we wish to be compassionate to others, we must begin by establishing healthy boundaries and holding them accountable for their actions. Love is not enabling. Love is speaking the truth as we see it in each moment.
We might be able to measure our success and fulfillment by the degree of uncomfortable conversations we are willing to have, and by the number of uncomfortable interactions we are willing to engage. Let us discipline ourselves, and discern the future over the present, so we can design the structure of our reality in our favor. We have to be willing to make sacrifices. It’s simple, but not always easy.
I’m learning how to do all this and loving the process. The experiences on this journey are sometimes a great struggle, and I honor it. I also have respect for those who take responsibility for the quality of their lives. I’m eager to witness these examples and integrate that level of mentorship.
I implore you, deploy the humility to be honest. I will do the same for you. Let’s be role models for the world. If you'd like to learn more about my perspectives on this subject, read my blog about deep inner game.
Consider this potent thought experiment: If you have a “friend” whose friendship you wouldn’t recommend to your loved ones, why would you tolerate such a “friend” yourself?
The odds of being born human are estimated to be 400 trillion to 1.
That means: WE WON.
LIFE IS PRECIOUS.
LET’S LIVE IT UP.
couple wise quotes
"You’re associating with people who are bad for you not because it’s better for anyone, but because it’s easier. You know it. Your friends know it. You’re all bound by an implicit contract—one aimed at nihilism, and failure, and suffering of the stupidest sort. You’ve all decided to sacrifice the future to the present. You don’t talk about it.
You don’t all get together and say, 'Let’s take the easier path. Let’s indulge in whatever the moment might bring. And let’s agree, further, not to call each other on it. That way, we can more easily forget what we are doing.' You don’t mention any of that. But you all know what’s really going on."
Jordan B. Peterson - 12 Rules for Life
“Most people dread difficult conversations. I enjoy them. That’s why I became a coach. I love difficult conversations. I learn so much. I find so many avenues to help people. I see so much transformation. It’s through that struggle, strife and conflict that we might find the right thing for everybody.
I love that participative process. Because, when I was young, I dreaded it, and that’s what led to bad relationships in my life. I dreaded having the conversation, so I gulped down what I needed. I didn’t share with other people what I really thought, what I really felt, what I really wanted of life, and so my life was caged. And then I realized, I’m just dreading things that I haven’t developed skill at or chosen to strategically engage."
Brendon Burchard - High Performance Habits